Why I am having trouble believing in God.
I have always strongly believed in God. Very strongly. I can't say that I ever jumped and shouted in church "Praise the Lord! Jesus saves!" But I always believed.
Now, I'm having problems with it.
The first problem was severe abuse from the American people and government. I was all in all a better person than most, say 27 years ago, and i never realized it until much later. I smoked, drank, and slept around a bit so figured i probably wasn't too good of a person in Gods eyes. And, honestly, I probably wasn't. But i was better than most in the category of righteousness to others and being a good moral person in many other ways. I have never been greedy, i have always tried to be helpful and kind to others, and I used to always be nice as a rule.
You don't see that in America much. Not without expecting something in return.
What you see when you open your eyes is greed. Americas morals are very consistent with their greed. What has got ahold of America is the 'everyone else is doing it so I can not only turn blind to it, but i can do it also.'
I have been tortured by the American government and their dirty networks working for the CIA for 27+ years. I had a brilliant creative mind and was unlucky enough to 1 )live in America, 2) have billion dollar money making ideas, 3) have no absolute power, 4) be a decent, honest person, 5) not be violent under the extreme ABUSE they have put me under. 6) be in the wrong place at the wrong time. 7) be the perfect victim.
And that, would be Tehema Co. Ca. at the very same time the CIA was doing S and M porn along with kiddie porn, in trade for explosives.
When Colleen Stan was purportedly in a box for seven years. (Cameron Hooker case) That case didn't make sense from the start, and the last part of it was pretty questionable. My guess is a CIA whore. Along with an enormous powerful gang that believes in human slavery. As long as it's not their own that is.
The CIA does not use cash as a rule for their many endivers. They use trade. The CIA has no boss other than the president himself, so obviously they're pretty much limitless in what they can do. The CIA has no qualms whatsoever of how they make their money, but to the contrary, they use networks of completely remorseless individuals to do their dirty work and cover up all footsteps the federal government takes. The CIA has a very long history of working with the mob.
Greed is a horrible, terrible thing. It gets ahold of a person and never lets go. Greed has no limits, no conscience, no remorse. (Maybe we should have called the CIA greed.)
You, America, would never, and i mean, never understand the abuse i have endured for the past 27+ years. It is well beyond your unserstanding. I can't remember much in my life but the abuse. From the day they started stealing my brilliant ideas clear up until now. The paranoid effect.
The CIA uses mind control. There is not one doubt in my mind. Funny thing about Americans they believe our government does this but NEVER until the newss media tells us to believe who they do it to.
They killed that Debbie that was born 51 years ago. The one my mother who is blind as a bat but a good person over-all raised. The one my father, who is now dead under suspicious circumstances (they said people were going in and out of his house) and was a paranoid skitzophrenic, helped raise. He, also, was a very good person over-all. You put the two together and they probably sinned very very little next to most couples. Or people. My parents were divorced when i was young. My mother married my step father after i was out of her house. He was also a very good man.
I was the perfect candidate. I will never forgive or forget America. Never. Never. Why did God allow me to be born at all? Why didn't he just make a completely different person? Did he need a slurpy for his dirty Jews?
What the CIA can and does do unto others is unbelievable to most Americans. The behavioral science dept. who "studies" behavior at the F.B.I headquarters, no doubt in my mind, knows the debt of America's believing. They of course, over the course of many years, helped to shape this belief system in America. AKA: The the news media tells you we are good therefore we are good. The news media tells you we are bad, therefore we are bad. Another one is: She is crazy. She doesn't like America..Everyone that has spoken out and made any waves at all against America (right or wrong) will be subjected to abuse..
America is superior. America is free. Don't ya want to be jus' like us?
The point is the CIA, the news media, and federal government all know exactly who they are molding and what they are doing unto others. They are allowed to play God. They get angry when their ruses are not working and at this point will rid themselves of trouble makers. This is where their networks step in. To make you crazy, if not dead.
Does anyone out there besides the Americans and their counterparts actually believe that all the warring around the world is for the benefit of those nations? Democracy benefits capitalism. Democracy benefits corporations. Democracy benefits the wealthiest in the long haul. Democracy benefits control of the poor. Democracy benefits top secrets "for the sake of the nation" "for the sake of our people" "for the good of our country" "for the benefit of mankind".
Americans are delusional.
The majority of Americans claim to believe in God. They lie, cheat you out of, and steal everything you own and will be the first ones to tell you that Jesus forgives all sins. They'll be the first ones to tell you that you are "so...lucky to live in America." They'll be the first ones to hold you back so they can get ahead while dubbing you a "lazy good for nothing". The first one to cripple you if it brings them prosperity saying "It's not happening to me" The first to drive you mad if you close them off. This is the bad side of America.
The good side of America is, I guess, the practicing christian and/or the blind side of America. The christian people I have met are greedy. They do not care about the poor or fatherless. They do not want unwed mothers in their churches, but the gay crowds are welcome. The gay crowds bring in money. They know how to get what they want..America loves them. America hates their unwed mothers. They take their children and put them in homes they see fit. They take their grandchildren. Americans see this as justice for their hard working families. They all say "We work hard for a living" This is now the very core essence of America. To work hard. Therefore you are moral.
But see God, I've been a good person all my life overall. If sexual morals are the only morals you care for then what good is the bible? If all a person has to do is work hard to rate, why am I being good at all? I've worked really hard in my life. Yet here I am getting abused repeatedly in life.
In the bible, there are twelve tribes of Israel. Ephraim is one of these tribes. Both Abraham and Moses gave these tribes blessings along with many many other blessings of others in the bible.
Ephraim is the son of Joseph. Joseph the son of Israel. Israel, the father of the 12 tribes. Isaac the father of Israel (Genesis35:10)/Jacob and Esau, and Abraham the father of Isaac. (Genesis 22:18- And in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed; because thou hast obeyed my voice.) Now it was Esau that should have gotten the blessing of his father but Isaac was tricked into giving the blessing to his son Jacob. Esau had already sold Jacob his birthright for a bowl of soup at this time.
Jacobs blessing being: (Genesis27:28-29) Therefore God give thee of the dew of heaven, and the fatness of the earth, and plenty of corn and wine: Let people serve thee and nations bow down to thee, be lord over thy brethen, and let thy mothers sons bow down to thee. Cursed be everyone that curseth thee and blessed be he that blesseth thee.
Esau cried and asked his father to give him a blessing also. It was: (Genesis27:39-40) Behold thy dwelling shall be the fatness of the earth and of the dew of heaven from above. ; and by thy sword shalt thou live and shall serve thy brother; and it shall come to pass when thou have the dominion, That thou shalt break the yoke from off thy neck. (some bibles state: break the yoke off thy neck and be free.)
Little too close for comfort, huh?
Now Jacobs blessing to Josephs sons, Ephraim and Mannasseh, who'm he counted as his own was: (Genesis48:13-22)-- In the new testiment King of the Jews was written in Greek, in Latin and in Hebrew at the crucifiction of Jesus.--
A further blessing was given after these two were blessed, and he told them what would befall the 12 tribes in the last days. (Genesis49:1-28)
At this point it goes back to Joseph the father of both Ephraim and Mannasseh.
(Genesis 49:22-26) Joseph is a fruitful bough, even a fruitful bough by a well; whos branches run over a wall: The archers have sorely grieved him and shot at him and hated him: But his bow abode in strength, and the arms of his hands were made strong by the hands of the mighty God of Jacob;(from thence is the sheperd, the stone of Israel.) Even by the God of thy father who shall help thee; And by the Almighty who shall bless thee with the blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under,blessings of the breast and of the womb: the blessings of thy father has prevailed above thy blessings of thy progenitors unto the utmost bound of the everlasting hills: they shall be on the head of Joseph, and on the crown of the head of him that was separate from his brethren.
It is my belief that Ephraim is America. Both Ephraim and Mannassseh have mixed in many parts in the bible and there were two parts of Mannasseh.
You have to read the bible for many many months to begin to understand it. My own belief is that God has probably showed his miracles through the prophesies in the bible for every generation that was or is to come.
If there is a God.-- Why would God allow a delusional, greedy, hypocritical nation to become his king so to speak? Why would he allow these bullies to prosper while good people are getting tormented by them? Why would God need a delusion to begin with? Is America going to keep on until all nations are just like us? Is the bible just a book of some of the best prophesies ever written? Was it from some super unhuman entity? Why are the christian dominions looking for space aliens? Why? Why? Why? Don't make me hate you God.
Now we go on a little further forward in the bible where Moses also blesses the children of Israel before his death. (Dueteronomy 33)
Moses also blessed Joseph and did not separate Ephraim and Mannasseh. (Dueteronomy 33:13-17) And of Joseph he said, Blessed of the Lord be his land, for the precious things of heaven, for the dew, and for the deep that coucheth beneath, and for the precious fruits brought forth by the sun, and for the precious things put forth by the moon And for the chief things of the ancient mountains, and for the precious things of the lasting hills, And for the precious things of the earth and fulness thereof, and for the good will of him that dwelt in the bush: let the blessing come on the head of Joseph and him that was separated from his brethren. His glory is like the firstling of the bullock, and his horns like the horns of Unicorns: with them he shall push the people together to the ends of the earth: and they are the ten thousands of Ephraim, and they are the thousands of Mannasseh. --This blessing was given shortly before the twelve tribes took the land of Israel.-- (St Matthew 10:34) Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to bring peace but a sword.
Now, that's a bit mushy for the biggest bunch of scum on the planet, don't you think? Why would God choose these guys if they're part of America? What has America ever done besides bully? Why would Gods chosen consist of the scum of the world? I don't see where America has done too much for the sake of the people. Maybe God takes bad things and turns them into something for the good. Maybe we're worshipping Satan here in America. (I know Idahoians do) Maybe there is an evil force working against the planet and winning. Maybe aliens of super powers are using us as a game to win or lose. Maybe they find it amusing. Maybe God is really a sadist. (read Job)
Alright. Maybe my mind is just too damn creative. I can come up with a new theory daily.
I believe that the twelve tribes will somehow not only be related by the nation, but also be related by the churches. In the book of Revelations in the first chapter, seven different churches are mentioned. Seven churches of God. Seven churches of Asia.